little fish/big pond

Last night I had the privilege of participating in a conference call with eight very smart and accomplished women from Editopian. Conference calls are hard for me; I get tongue-tied and end up saying little for fear of looking silly or stupid. I like to be able to read the crowd and look people in the eye, and converse that way. Conference calls make me spacey, which makes me nervous, which means that three minutes have gone by where I'm stressing out about not listening, which means that I haven't been listening.

I'm looking forward to the next ten years. I want to become one of those smart, accomplished editors that I was on the phone with. I feel that I am at the cusp of a successful future; I just need time in the saddle, so to speak, to raise my confidence and skill level.

My lifelong goals are to have a successful marriage, build a satisfying career where my presence matters, and to raise great kids that we love. That isn't asking too much, right? Lev and I can handle goal number one and three, but my second goal? The one about the career? That is all me. And I feel like I'm standing at the foot of the mountain, looking up.

the road ahead

I got the job!!!!! I got the job I got the JOB!!!!

I'm going to be working in my chosen field--finally. It's like I've spent my entire career waiting for this moment. 2011 is shaping up to be quite a year: I am marrying the most wonderful man I've ever known, I am living in an apartment that feels like home, and I have work in my field! My life took a deep breath and finally exhaled. 

Today I had coffee with a woman I used to work with at UIC. I edited her PhD thesis, actually. Mostly, we caught up on each other's lives--she was also deeply dissatisfied with her previous job, and made a career move that turned into what she is doing now (and she enjoys it intensely). We talked about how when you are little, you think about your future and you know that what you want is to be happy when you grow up. 

When you get a little older, you start thinking about what would make for personal satisfaction: for me, it was around college that I realized I had a talent for editing. I knew I needed to pursue a career in publishing. I began working at the Oregonian newspaper and was smitten with the environment; I loved the hustle that went into putting out the paper four times a day. The on-the-fly copy editing, the search for a photo in the photo library--I knew that I wanted to be a part of the written word somehow. 

I've kept my goals in mind, but it has not always been easy. I took this administrative position at UIC last July, quit drinking, and realized that I needed to work in my field. It's funny, when you drink a lot (and I wouldn't call myself an alcoholic; I quit drinking because I recognized that it wasn't helping me or my relationship go anywhere) you stop really caring about your life. I spent 6 months in Portland "not really worried" about what I was doing with my future. My career matters to me, and I want to matter to my place of work. I'm looking forward to bringing my most talented, best self to my new Editor position on March 28. 

Here's to life!

Chicago before sunset. North Avenue looking east to Wells Street